i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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