At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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