my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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