What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
