Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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