dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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