We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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