weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
