you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
