Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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