The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
