Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
