i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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