I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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