this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
