Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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