a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
