You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You made out with two different species that night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
