you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
