I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize