Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i've created a new STD.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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