we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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