You just made me feel so damn special
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ttyl tear gas
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
