First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
