heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
