he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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