sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
