Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
