I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
