did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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