lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
