im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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