u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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