Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
