WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
