dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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