Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
