I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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