I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
