the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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