my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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