i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
