The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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