my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
