The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
