so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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