I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
