i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
