Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
