Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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