drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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