Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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