Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
