Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
