So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
