So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You're like the curious george of whores
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
