Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
