Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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