Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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