I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
