Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
