im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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