He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
