naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
