I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize