Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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