i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
