it hurts more in the daytime
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
