Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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