i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
