Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
