just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
