She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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