i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
