Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
