I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
