and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
