He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
