I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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