you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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