I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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