For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize