It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize