I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
