I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
