Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
