When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize