I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
