i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize