At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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