I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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