Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
