I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
