if i can run in heels then i can drive
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize