i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
