Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
