You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
