her vagine was all disorganized.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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