I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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