dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
