god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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