I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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