when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
