She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
