wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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