Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
