So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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