I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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