okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
