I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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