My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
